Only Jenny McCarthy Stands between your Kids and Scientists (and she is armed with a garden hose)

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Turn Mother's Day into Special Treat for Dad

As Mother's Day approaches many of us New Dad's are thinking the same thing: "It's Mother's Day?" You may be thinking,"well I'll just pop down to the corner and grab my mom some flowers or a chocolate bar or something, give her a call or leave a message on her cellphone and that's it done for the year." But there's another mother in your life casting you knowing, piercing glances: your wife. "But it's not Wife's Day! What does that have to do with me", you cry while deflecting her stares to your new born in hope that he/she will simultaneously develop the following skills: walking, talking,grasping, some basic ability to get and hold a job long enough to get a paycheck, basic monetary knowledge and/or rudimentary grasp of the barter system. All by Sunday morning. Barring that, you're on the hook for that Mother's Day Gift. So not only are you out of pocket for the gift, your baby gets all the credit! If you ever want to see your wife naked again you'll need to pony up a gift. And fast. But there is a way you can turn this to your advantage. First, offer to cook diner. Not only will this endear yourself to her, she'll have to watch the kid while you cook! Second, offer a massage with scented candles and oils. You're wife will already have all these things, you just have to ask her where they are. Once your wife has gotten your kid to go to sleep, lead her to the bedroom you've decorated with the candles. If you're feeling ambitious, change the sheets. You can even take one or two of the flowers you bought your mother and tear off the petals and sprinkle them across the bed. Once that's done get her to lay down. The great thing about offering a massage is that they're not often turned down and you don't really have to work to hard to get your wife to take her clothes off. And according to Stats Canada massages turn into sex almost 87% of the time. So don't let Mother's Day get you down. Turn a potential negative into an almost guaranteed positive for you!*

*This is not a guarantee